1. Watching Lust, Caution (but there was a very disturbing scene)
2. Reading Self-Esteem by McKay and Fanning
3. Talking to Izzy on msn
4. Painting the edges of a painting
5. Going for a bike ride

I have always been an intense person. I'm very sensitive and emotional, and I hyperfocus on things. I'm very interested in people and they tie into my perseverations. Because I can get obsessive, that increases my intensity. Sometimes I just go on and on about a topic, sometimes in very emotional ways. I just can't shift my mind. Sometimes my perfectionism takes over and I try to fix everything even when it's not possible. I can be really nice or really mean, though I want to get the "really mean" part under control and handle situations calmly and rationally. Sometimes the intensity is good for my creativity, but sometimes it's a distraction (due to the obsession, etc.) I don't know if I can make myself less intense (or if I want to be -- but getting rid of the crippling depressions would be nice). However, I can work on treating people better and thinking before reacting. I can write things out and then decide how much of my "intensity" to share. I'm supposedly a very complex thinker and feel emotions much more strongly than is normal, according to my regular psychologist. It's difficult to argue logically with me, but it's also very difficult to alter my emotions. I am very stubborn in my thoughts and feelings. I hope to improve the way I relate to others and to remain more psychologically stable, though I will probably always be intense. I know I'm not for everyone... But some people seem to tolerate it.

1. Helping my mother paint a room in her father's old house
2. Doing work in The Self-Esteem Workbook
3. Finished reading A.D. 62: Pompeii
4. Another great mental health day
5. Michael's anniversary gifts arriving in the mail today

1. Having a good psychologist appointment
2. Starting my new medication
3. My psychiatrist calling in a prescription for Buspar
4. Quick trip to the grocery store
5. Watching the movie The Orphanage (which really scared me!)

Edit: 6. Receiving my Self Esteem Workbook and Self Esteem book in the mail (by McKay and Fanning)

1. Drawing another figure drawing
2. Having a good psychiatrist appointment
3. Reading A.D. 62: Pompeii
4. Having Fruits Basket volume 23 arrive
5. Making plans for this Saturday

1. Seeing April and talking to her
2. Making plans to see Anna
3. An email from Amber (she likes the cd I gave her!)
4. Talking to Izzy on msn
5. Writing another poem

1. Stomachaches being better (must have been caused by the Geodon)
2. Feeling calmer today, with the obsessions having less emotionality behind them
3. Watching L'Auberge Espagnole
4. Writing a short story
5. Making plans for the week

1. Reading Into the Dreamlands
2. Watching Sailor Moon
3. Putting in-place some of my stuffed animals from my mother's house
4. Granola cereal (I had at least 7 bowls due to Zyprexa>_<)
5. Reading/listening to a new short story by Neil Gaiman and the next chapter of Fairyland by Catherine Valente

1. Got the rest of my LiveJournal backed up on dreamwidth
2. Finally saw the ending to Sailor Moon
3. The purple ink coming out of my pajama pants
4. Finding my little Sailor Moon case I keep my mp3 player in
5. Feeding a stray cat (he wouldn't let me near him, though)

1. Watching Sailor Stars
2. Getting new blinds
3. Getting a new air filter
4. Feeling more stable later today
5. Finished reading The Dance of Deception

I just finished reading Dance of Deception by Harriet Lerner. It taught me a lot about the difference between honesty and truth-telling. I am usually bluntly honest but there are certain instances (such as trying to hide family secrets) when I did lie. I can be too tough on people for lying, though I do agree with the book that sometimes when people lie it's not to protect you, but because they don't feel like dealing with your pain. Certain information handled bluntly can really hurt other people unnecessarily and make them defensive instead of more likely to understand your perspective. A slower process of truth-telling tends to be more helpful than sudden bursts of difficult honesty.

1. Getting more Zyprexa
2. Watching Sailor Moon
3. Starting to read The Dance of Deception
4. Sleeping through a lot of my crazy feelings
5. Scrapbooking for the first time in a long time

1. Watching Sailor Stars
2. Having a mocha drink
3. Not vomiting in the middle of the night (I felt sick again)
4. Seeing my cats again
5. Cooler weather

1. Finishing the anime Air (it was good, but made me feel like cutting)
2. Finding a very cheap nearby potential wedding location through my mother
3. My books coming in from the library
4. Spending an extra day with Michael
5. Grilled chicken for dinner

1. Eating corn on the cob
2. Talking to Michael
3. Emails from Amber, Izzy, and Anna
4. Possible improvement due to supplements
5. Watching Air with Michael
6. Good phone conversations with my brother and mother

My father. It didn't work.

1. Chocolate/vanilla twist soft-serve ice cream
2. Finding a potential wedding site
3. Watching Cats 101
4. More looking at Disney stuff
5. A text message from Izzy

Well I just found out we can't have the wedding at the Morton Arboretum. They force you to use their catering and it costs $80-90 per entree! We can't do that. In a search I found this wonderful place, though, that can be rented for $700/7 hours on weekdays and you handle your own food:
http://www.glenviewparks.org/The-Grove/Redfield-Estate.htm

It looks wonderful! It's a bit far, but sometimes wedding locations are a bit far. I really hope we can hold the wedding there. I will show my mother next time I see her.

1. Watching Lilo and Stitch
2. My allergies doing better
3. Looking up things about Disney World
4. Eating chicken rings
5. Not being nauseated when I woke up

Edit: 6. Watching The Life Before Her Eyes

1. A pleasant, reassuring email from Amber
2. My mother's boyfriend mowing my lawn
3. MSN conversation with Izzy
4. Getting to stay at Michael's house
5. Spending last-minute time with the cats and dog